


Commie Potter and the Red Scare

by Mr_Hinadam_Wide



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Communism, Gen, M/M, Revolution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 20:07:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17752631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Hinadam_Wide/pseuds/Mr_Hinadam_Wide
Summary: (also known as neo homo harry potter and the gay panic)





	1. harry becomes woke and epic

**Author's Note:**

> go read stay alive for now instead of whatever this is

where harry lived during the summers at privet drive with the dursleys there wasnt much to read. probably bc they never sent him to school and he was therefore illiterate and couldn't read them. however...one day he went to the library looking for guides on how to take the L when he saw a book called the communist manifesto by karl marx. he was enraptured. he then stole the book bc he was only a trustfund baby in the magical world, in the real world he was just another poor gay bitch who couldn't read.

luckily though hermione also had muggle parents so harry was able to call her up on his 90s landline phone and also he had a very cool and epic owl. he sent the communist manifesto to her with the owl and a letter saying to call him once she got it. when she did harry asked if she could read it out loud to him and she said yes and so they did. 

-

when they had to go to school again and boarded the hogwarts express ron noticed something different about them. they looked very woke and hermione explained.

"harry asked if I could read him this book called the communist manifesto and we both found it very epic," hermione said communisticly. "we have both vowed to no longer sit by and be tools of capitalism in the wizarding or muggle world"

"comrade," harry interjected "frankly I must confess that I feel the seperation of the wizarding and muggle worlds are simply yet another way the 1% keeps capitalism in power as they know magical intergration of the muggle proletariat will most definitely lead to an uprising."

"most assuredly comrade" hermione answered,  "frankly I have been using completely pointless magic at any opportunity in public places to combat this. I turned a mans dick inside out just because"

"Good for you!" harry said 

"Wait...isn't communism bad and evil?" said Ron stupidly and capitalistically

"you dense ginger fuck" hermione said "you have been brainwashed by the bourgeois and instilled with false consciousness...you have bought into the propaganda of red scare mentality which blindly states communism is evil without giving any real reason."

"hmm, I don't know. isnt it enough if I vote against fudge and also margaret thatcher?" asked ron not very epicly

harry laughed "you think your vote truly matters? the american voting system is inherently corrupt and has been structured not to let the voices of the proletariat be heard since the beginning. The electoral college decides everything based on money."

"but...we aren't in america?" ron said britishly

harry was done with it so he cast a spell that made ron throw up slugs some more. he was already doing it before but now he was doing it more

to be continued....


	2. Gay Dreams and Bourgeois Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry fights the temptation of his own gay thoughts bc hes a strong independent communist activist with no time for love. Meanwhile, Ron the stupid capitalist ginger makes a heartbreakingly good point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im still begging you to go read stay alive for now instead of this

harry walked into Hogwarts and there he saw many of his secondary character friends I dont give a shit about but then he also saw cedric diggory who was not dead. 

"hi harry" he said britishly and with an air of respecting women homoly. 

"im communist now" harry answered 

"whats a communist?" cedric asked in the voice of a worker of the proletariat who is not yet enlightened

"Its simple!" harry explained britishly and then started reciting the communist manifesto in its entirety

suddenly cedric started crying twunkishly. a single sonadow-style tear dropped onto his ten pecs ten abs ten biceps edward cullen edward cullen stephenie meyer twilight

"Whats wrong?" harry asked definitely not having gay thoughts bc he was committed to spreading communism and totally didnt care about men at all even tho cedric was mega twilight hot

"im too pretty to know what any of the words you just said mean" cedric responded

"oh yeah thats true. well in simpler terms it just means that everyone should be provided their basic needs and there shouldn't be any requirement to work just to survive"  harry explained

"real shit? why didnt you just say so, im a commie now" cedric said 

"hell yeah real shit fuck the ruling class" harry said, and didn't kiss cedric bc he was a true dedicated activist with no time to be an emelem 

suddenly ron walked up exuding an aura of white privilege. "i see you're talking about that communist dictatorship nonsense again" he spat britishly like dan and phil

"communism is NOT a dictatorship! thats a fucking lie told by the bourgeois capitalist corporate FUCKS so they can stay in power!" harry yelled

"but harry," ron asked with an evil cishettie white male smirk "your parents left you with a lot of money. you're a rich trust fund baby. so....YOU are the bourgeoisie" 

harry gasped . it was true!!! he had been sitting in his ivory tower of capitalist wealth this whole time and never even realized it!!!

"NOOOOOOOOO" harry cried out in hatred of his own capitalistic state and ran away crying

to be continued....


End file.
